Dissociation.
Anxiety induced dissociation- my story.
“She’s very quiet”. Those were the words I heard over and over again as a child. My teachers would be concerned and speak to my Mum about how reserved and timid I was.
Never speaking up, rarely participating in class and finding it extremely difficult to make friends. You see, I went through quite a few primary schools as a child due to moving house a lot. I would start to get settled, making one or two friends and then we’d be moving again.
I fell behind in my school work as you can imagine. As a result, I was labelled as a child needing extra support. That was great for my self-esteem 😒.
I remember the feeling I’d get when the teacher was asking a question, I’d know the answer but felt frozen inside, my throat would go tight and feel restricted. “Just put your hand up, do it, do ,it” 🙋♀️ my inner voice was extremely loud. I never would put my hand up and the anxious energy that built internally, made my stomach hurt.
The constant build up of anxiety and the worry about how others would perceive me continued to build 😖. I would dissociate as a way of coping. I remember the ‘out of body’ experience well, kind of spaced out like I wasn’t connected to my body.
At the time I didn’t realise dissociation was a way of coping. To me this was normal, didn’t everyone do this? 🤷🏼♀️
I would continue to dissociate throughout my teenage years, but not as often. It would resurface when I felt overwhelmed, stressed out or confronted by someone in authority.
I remember during my counselling training, I was challenged in supervision. I reverted back to the little girl 👧 who was asked a question in class, doubting herself and worried about how she would be perceived. My body took over and I felt paralyzed like a rabbit 🐇 in headlights. My thoughts lost and my mind blurry.
Still to this day, I will sometimes dissociate as a way of coping or avoiding a difficult situation. The difference is, I now know I am doing it and have the coping mechanisms needed to manage this. 💪
For me, this is huge. I’m not feeling stuck and disconnected from my body for long periods of time and I can get on with my life.💃
So What is Dissociation?
Dissociation is a normal response to trauma or an overly stressful event.
Everyone experiences mild dissociation now and then. Examples of this would be daydreaming or getting lost in a good film/ book.
It’s a survival mechanism that is part of our ‘freeze’ response. Our bodies use dissociation as a way to block out and detach from overwhelming and particularly traumatic experiences.😰
When we’re unable to escape something physically, dissociation allows us to escape it psychologically.
Dissociation can be triggered by a number of reasons;
⚡️Trauma, whether you’ve experienced sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, neglect, bereavement, an accident, military combat or a natural disaster.
⚡️Living with a parent who has drinking problems/ uses illegal drugs.
⚡️Growing up with parents/ caregivers who aren’t able to regulate their own emotions. This can mean they are unable to cope/ process your emotions. For example, punishing you for being angry, crying or not giving you empathy when you need it.
⚡️Stress/ overwhelm.
⚡️Anxiety.
⚡️Prolonged bullying.
Children who dissociate will sometimes look as though they are daydreaming or ‘zoning out’ with a glazed look in their eyes.
How would I know if I was Dissociating?
Ok, So I’ve listed a few symptoms of dissociation below. This list isn’t exhaustive and there may be additional ones that I haven’t thought of;
🌟 Feeling detached from the world around you.
🌟 Memory loss/ Forgetful of certain time periods “wait, when did that happen? Was I there?” This can come across to others as signs of confusion.
🌟 Feeling reduced/ no pain. “It didn’t even hurt”.
🌟 Disconnection from your memories/ thoughts/ feelings.
🌟 Feeling numb/ emotionally detached.
🌟 Feeling as though you’re someone else.
🌟 Become immobile “I can’t move”.
🌟 Experiencing flashbacks.
🌟 Self-harm as a way of ‘waking yourself up’.
🌟 Referring to yourself as “we” or “they”- as if the dissociative part of you is a completely different person/ multiple people.
Ok, So what can I do about it? 💁♀️
There are many different techniques to help with dissociation. First and foremost, you have to know your bodily cues and recognise that you are dissociating.
For example it might be that you’re aimlessly scrolling through social media. 📱 You have tons of things to do but you feel trapped and frozen. It could be that you’re friends and family have tried to reach out and you haven’t messaged them back. Maybe you’re extra forgetful lately and feel disconnected from your emotions? Being aware of your body and how you are feeling is the first step in managing dissociation.
Becoming mindful of your bodily cues takes time and practice, so don’t be too hard on yourself.🥰
Once you recognise that you’re dissociating, you can try a few different techniques.
*If you have suffered trauma, it can seem really scary to start noticing how your body feels. This is especially so if you’re used to ignoring and cutting off from it.
Grounding
Grounding is a way of keeping you in the present, it helps to reorient you to reality and get you ‘back in your body’. Dissociation can feel scary in that you feel disconnected from yourself, so increasing your connection reduces these feelings.
I have listed some grounding techniques below for you to try.
5-4-3-2-1 technique
2. Running your wrists under cold water or splashing your face with cold water. 🥶 You must have seen this in the movies right? Actors/ actresses splashing their faces?
Notice the temperature of the water, how does it feel on your skin? 💦
When exposing yourself to cold water, there is increased stimulation of the vagus nerve. This triggers the parasympathetic nervous system which is known as the ‘rest and digest’ response. This response lowers things like heart rate, respiratory rate and blood pressure, resulting in you feeling more relaxed. 😌
3. Go for a walk in the fresh air. 🌳 What can you see around you? Notice your breathing or the rhythm of your footsteps. Can you go barefoot and notice the sensation under your feet?
4. Smell a scent/ use essential oils. I use an aromatherapy scent from M&S. It might be a good idea to carry it in your bag with you. Notice if the scent is earthy, sweet or musky? 🌹
5. Sing along to some music. 🎶 You don’t have to be good at singing! It might be a good idea to listen to something up and current to help keep you grounded in the ‘here and now’.
6. Exercise. 🏃♀️ Go for a run, a fast walk, hit the gym, do an exercise DVD or my favourite dance like crazy to some loud music, whatever your preference just get that body moving.
7. Orientate yourself- What day, month and year is it? 🕰️ Where do you live? who do you live with?
8. Talk it out. 🗣️ Speak to someone you trust and that will stay patient and calm while you talk.
9.Hug someone 🤗 (this can include your pet) you feel comfortable with or use a weighted blanket to wrap yourself in. With a weighted blanket it might feel more comfortable sitting up or laying down. Maybe try using it in different positions and see what works for you.
*This may be triggering to some people who have gone through trauma so listen to your gut on this one.
Cuddling releases the hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin is found to reduce inflammation, lower heart rate and stress.
10. Eat something sweet, sour or spicy. Savour the taste. 🍭
11. Deep breathing. Take a deep breath in through your nose so your belly expands (and you look like you’ve got a food baby) then exhale slowly through your mouth (Imagine you’ve got a birthday cake in front of you and you don’t want to blow the candles out). 🎂
12. Take a look at your hands, notice how they are the hands of a adult. 👋 Wiggle your fingers, look at the front of your hands then the back, notice how strong they are when you make them into fists.
13. If you’re driving 🚙 open the window. Let the fresh air hit you. Engage your senses, can you smell pollen, cut grass or manure 🤢 on the fields? can you hear the wind rushing in or cars driving past?
What Next?
Dissociation can be difficult to combat, even with the grounding techniques listed above. Getting to the root cause of why it is you’re dissociating can take time. This is especially so if you have experienced trauma throughout your life.
Can you relate?🙋♀️
If you would like any professional help in dealing with dissociation, please feel free to contact me. I offer a free 15 minute telephone call 📞 where we can talk about how I can best support you.☺️